Lucky Pierre’s Solo Flight

When George was little my father gave him the nickname of “Lucky Pierre”. It is an old WW2 joke that refers to how the French men always got the girls. George got the name because whenever my father hugged my mother, George would push his way to the center of the hug. My father would exclaim “Here comes old Lucky Pierre again!” (George never saw a hug he didn’t like! To this day, we can not hug in sight of George without it becoming a group hug!)

Just some history, George, who is soon to be 48 yrs. old, is my youngest brother and has Down syndrome. He has lived with me and my husband for 29 of our 30 years of marriage. My mother died shortly after our marriage and my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer six weeks later so George moved in with us when he was 19. George has three siblings, two sisters and one brother, three to seven years older.

After George moved in with us, I promised my sister and brother that George would spend time with both of them and their families. In the beginning, I would fly with George to Texas or Arizona for visits a couple times a year. This was fine for a while but as I became busier it became more difficult (and expensive) to coordinate between everyone’s different schedules, it was suggested that I allow George to fly solo.

George loves to fly and is very independent so he was fine with the idea. I, on the other hand, was very nervous about it. I did not worry about a flight where everything went right. We would only book non-stop flights and George would be given plenty of things to keep busy (his favorites being playing cards and picture books). It was the “What ifs” that drove me crazy. Although independent, George has some limitations. He can not read other than some sight words and he has poor vision and hearing. What if the plane made an emergency landing? Would George get off and be lost on the streets of Omaha? What if they gave emergency instructions over the intercom, would George understand them and be able to follow them? What if my sister or brother got into an accident on the way to the airport and were not there when George landed? What if someone was mean to him? What if he was frightened and I wasn’t there?

Two days before the flight George and I went out to the airport. We met with a woman from customer relations who helped prepare George for his solo flight .This was in the early 80’s so airlines were very customer friendly back then. He practiced putting on an oxygen mask and locating the exits on a plane. He got his wings and was ready to go.

We got to the airport early the day of his flight and signed him in as an “unaccompanied minor”. He was 22yrs old but this was the only system they had back then that would require the stewardess to check to make sure George was connected to his family and not just left off the plane to wander. I pre-boarded him and spoke to each stewardess about George’s limitations. Although George was quite ready for me to leave, I was having difficulty letting go. I left the plane and waited at the window until it took off, crying the whole time. Later, at home, I got a call from my brother-in-law saying my sister was at the airport and had George in hand. Relief swept over me but I wanted specifics and he didn’t know anything. I didn’t hear from them again that week as they were spending their vacation on their property up at the lake and did not have a phone. (This was before everyone and their toddler had cell phones!)

The next time I heard from them was again a call from my brother in law saying my sister had called to say George was on the plane coming home. My husband and I were at the airport an hour early waiting nervously for George to arrive. I worried about how he was getting along with people, if they saw him as a bother or were unkind to him. Would they understand George when he spoke to them? Would he drive them crazy talking the whole way? My husband assured me that “Lucky Pierre” was doing fine.

Everyone filed off the plane and I saw no sign of George but strangers were looking at me and smiling. A few older passengers came over and greeted us “You are George’s sister! It was so nice to have George on our flight” (Had George passed around our pictures to the whole plane and told our life story?) Then out of the door came George with a young, smiling stewardess on each arm and a full sized bottle of unopened Champaign in his hand!! (Why they gave him Champaign I have no idea but my husband and enjoyed it!) He had several packs of new cards from the airline in his pockets and enough peanuts to last a week. The stewardesses checked my ID, told me how great it was to have George on their flight, hugged and gushed over George and waved good-bye. My husband just shook his head and said “Lucky Pierre strikes again!”

We will never know what transpired on that flight but I did quit worrying about how George is perceived by others. George is quit able to handle people on his own with no help from me. Actually he is much better at it than I am!

Responsibility of Siblings

I read a post from a year ago from someone who wondered about what would happen to their Down syndrome child after their deaths. Many of the replies voiced concerns over burdening their other children with the responsibility of caring for the disabled child. I know each situation is different but let me say I think they do their other children a disservice by not expecting them to be responsible adults someday. My parents had no such concerns. We knew that someday George would be our responsibility and before I married I made sure my husband knew that it was possible that George would be living with us someday. As it turned out, we have been married 30 years and due to my parents’ sudden illnesses and deaths, George has lived with us for 29 years. Have there been challenges, yes, but there have also been great rewards for my husband and I and my children and my nieces and nephews who have Uncle George visit and go on vacation with them. I always feel guilty when people want to say how great it was that we took on the burden of caring for my brother because I know I got the better end of the deal. Every young mother should have a George to watch the kids while mom takes a shower, or a George to snitch on the babysitter who had a boyfriend visit while we were gone. Every working mom should have a George who tells when the kids let into the house another kid just "for a few minutes". When George goes on vacation with my brother or sister and their families, we miss George and our family feels incomplete. George is 47 now and in perfect health. I too have begun to worry about what will happen to George if I were to die. My husband has asked that George stay with him rather than have to relocate to my brother's or sister's. They have agreed as long as he can still come for visits. My children understand that it is their responsibility to do all that they can to ensure George's well-being and comfort. George shared all he had with them when they were little and they need to be the kind of adults who can be there for him if he needs them. They also know they should pick spouses who can accept this as a part of life. It's a great test for picking a spouse! I think expecting your children to be there for their brothers and sisters is not unreasonable, its life. I do not mean to suggest that co-habitation is the only or the best solution for everyone because I know it isn't. But expecting your children to be a part of the process of figuring out what's best and being the "parent" once the parents are no longer capable of doing it is not a burden but a responsibility of adulthood.

I Should Do This More Often!

I should do this more often!

Friday I had lunch at McDonalds and got to watch George in action. He has worked at McDonalds for 10 yrs. and when my children were young we use to go quite often to watch Uncle George at work but in the last 5 years or so we have seldom gone there while George was working.

Just some history, George is my brother and he has lived with me and my husband for 28 of our 29 years of marriage. My mother died shortly after our marriage and my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer six weeks later. George has Down syndrome and is soon to be 47 yrs old and I am one of his sisters and am 5 years his senior.

As I sat down just inside of the play area and I could see George cleaning up the tables of napkins and wrappers. He is very efficient and serious about his work. The room was filled with young mothers and very young children, (school age children being in school) running amuck in the play equipment. I watched as George talked to mothers asking if it was ok to throw some things away and all smiled at George and called him by name as they answered him. (It seems that George is well known to these young mothers and their children)

Later I watched as he handled a pushing match between two 4 yr. olds. I started to stand up afraid that the mom would take offence to George telling her son not to push but she came over and made her son apologize to the little girl and to George for having interrupted his work!!! Then a mother asked George to get her 2yr old out of the play equipment (he had climbed up too high to reach.) and George was soon quickly bringing the child down the slide.

I sometimes forget how much things have changed. Attitudes are so different now and I rarely need to educate adults anymore. Kids are still kids but George is such a great ambassador for himself and for other cognitively challenged adults that I even seldom have to educate them when George is around.

I also forget that George has a whole world of experiences that I know nothing about. Every day he goes to work he meets hundreds of people and they meet him and I know nothing of those encounters but the few glimpses I get when I visit or the many times we have been out together and a stranger will walk up to George and greet him as an old friend. They all know about me, my DH and my children. (George tells everyone about us and shows pictures!) When we ask George how were things at work today all we get out of him is okay.

I wish our parents had lived to see how good George’s life is. They fought so hard to change the hearts and minds of people, always with patience and facts and kindness, (even when they really wanted to sock them) and to see how wonderfully George has been accepted just makes me cry! When my mother was dying she wrote me a wonderful letter and in it she expressed her concerns for George's well being and the future. George was still in high school when she died and she never got a chance to see how it all turned out. Well it turned out just fine. George's life is full of love and friendship and respect. What more could any parent ask for!

My Mother's Letter

This is the letter I received upon my mother’s death, I was 24yrs old and George(ds) was 18. My sister and brothers each received a letter. Each was very different and spoke to my mother’s understanding of each of her children. I offer you this letter with the hope you see that what we say to our children can greatly impact on who they are. My mother, though her words, has guided us though our lives.

PS- The term “happy little huntress” refers to my name Felicia Diane which means happy huntress

My Dear Felicia,

How can I say “goodbye” to you – my “happy little huntress”? I have loved each of you equally but each in a different way because of your different needs and individuality. You have always been my “soft” one – too sensitive – too caring. But with all of that, you have a great strength and the will and determination to do the things you must. Like grandmother Brownewell, there is an iron fist in your velvet glove!

I shall be grateful to you – you have eased my mind and brought peace to me by your love and willingness to care for George. You – perhaps more than the others – understand that has been the nightmare in the back of my mind; the fear of someday leaving him. Thank you my darling for loving him as much as I do and giving me the greatest of gifts, your love. I am grateful for the years we have had together and the deep understanding we have had between us. I hope you children will always remain close and keep in touch with each other – love each other as I have loved you all.

I have no great philosophy to pass on. I hope that you will live your life so that there will be no regrets and that the words honor – duty – honesty – and love are as important to you as they were to me, and to my parents and grandparents. Few of us were ever wealthy but our credit was always good and so was our word. I have little to bequeath except my love but I love you very much.
Mother